Friday, December 30, 2005

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The
Almighty.
He asks one of his new students to stand and.....
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help
others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
(Student is silent.)
Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God...
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?
(Student does not answer.)
Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?
(Student has no answer.)
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you everseen God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, evenmore heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)
Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But ifyou have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.Now tell me, Professor.Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? (The class is in uproar.)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain,sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

NB: I believe you have enjoyed the conversation...and if so...you'll probably want your friends/colleagues to
enjoy the same...won't you?....this is a true story, and the student was none other than.........APJ Abdul
Kalam, the present president of India.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Auto Fellow

I AM AUTOFELLOW

I am autofellow autofellow
Four knowing route fellow
Justice having rate fellow
Good people mix fellow
Nice singing song fellow
Gandhi borning country fellow
Stick take means hunter fellow
Big people's relation fellow
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am all poor's relative fellow daI am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only

Town become big, population become big
Bus expecting, half age over
Life become hectic in time, exist in corner of street
Ada eye beat means love coming they telling
You hand clap means auto coming I telling
Front coming look, this three-wheel chariot
Good come and arrive, you trust and climb up
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only

Mummy motherfolk, danger not leave
Heat or cyclone, never I never tell
There there hunger take means, many savoury
Measurement food is one time
For pregnancy I come free mummy
Your child also name one I keep mummy
Letter lacking person ada trusting us and coming
Address lacking street ada auto fellow knowing
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Power of Anaconda

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Questions of a little child

Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction, honey.

Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.

Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass>destruction, did we?A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll>Find something, probably right before the 2004 election.

Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use>in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had thoseweapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves

Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if they Had all those big weapons to fight us back with?A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.

Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of thoseWeapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.

Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam HusseinWas a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country.

Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his>country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.

Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic>competitor,where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.

Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?
A: Right.

Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government.People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.

Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.

Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China Is Communist.

Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.

Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are Sent to prison and tortured.

Q: Like in Iraq?
A: Exactly.

Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other>hand, is not.

Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed someLaws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us.

Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and Started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans becomecapitalists?
A: Don't be a smart-ass.

Q: I didn't think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.

Q: Kind of like China and the @!#$ movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate leader anyway.

Q: What's a military coup?
A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States.

Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is Our friend.

Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.

Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by Forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.

Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.

Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, fifteen of them SaudiArabians, hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing Over 3,000 Americans.

Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban.

Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people's heads and hands?
A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.

Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars Back in May of 2001?
A:Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job fighting drugs.

Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing Opium poppies.

Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the TalibanWould have their hands and heads cut off.

Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growingflowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off for other reasons?
A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands for stealing bread.

Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?
A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply.

Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.

Q: What's the difference?
A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers.

Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.
A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are Our friends.

Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were From Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.

Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.

Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very Bad man.

Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion Of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.

Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.

Q: So the Soviets, I mean, the Russians, are now our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years.After they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.

Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French Fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.

Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what We want them to do?A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.

Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.

Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him Our friend, temporarily.

Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.

Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.

Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.

Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations canProfit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.

Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a Godless un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?

Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
A: Yes.

Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him What to do.

Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.

Q: Good night, Daddy.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Best Oscar Awards for Slip Ups



Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Management Lessons- Part II

CASE 4:
The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked.As they went along, they passed some people who remarked "it was a shamethe old man was walking and the boy was riding".The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changedpositions.Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes thatlittle boy walk."They decide d they both would walk!Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walkwhen they had a decent donkey to ride.So the both rode the donkey! Now they passed some people that shamed themby saying "how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey".The boy and man said they were probably right so they decided to carry thedonkey.As they crossed a bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fellinto the river and drowned.
Management Learning:
If you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your ass

CASE 5:
Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav weretravelling in an autorickshaw.They met with an accident and all three of them died. Yama was waiting forthis moment at the doorstep of death.He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had alreadydecided that he should be sent to HELL.Laloo is not at all happy with this decision. He asks Yama as to why thisdiscrimination is being made.All the three of them had served the public.Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then whythe differential treatment?He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluationbefore a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or preconceived notions.Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for anEnglish test.PVNR is asked to spell "INDIA" and he does it correctly.Advani is asked to spell "ENGLAND" and he too passes.It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell "CZECHOSLOVAKIA".Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. He says this is not fair andhat he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with falseintent.Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give anotherchance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provideanequal platform for all three).PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily andpasses.Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....."Tough one. He fails again. Laloo is extremely unhappy.Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't), he nowrequested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history.Yama says 'OK', but this would be the last chance and that he would nottake any more tests.PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence?".He replied "1947" and passed.Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?".He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or200,000 or 300,000.Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.It's Laloo's turn now. Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of eachof the 200,000 who died in the struggle.Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
Management Lesson:"IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS JUST NO ESCAPE"

CASE 6 :
The secret is finally revealed:On the first day God created the cow.God said, "You must go to field with the farmer all day long and sufferunder the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will giveyou a life span of sixty years."The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixtyyears. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty."And God agreed.On the second day, God created the dog.God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone whocomes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'llgive back the other ten."So God agreed (sigh).
On the third day God created the monkey.God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll giveyou a twenty year life span."Monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so.Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"And God agreed again.
On the fourth day God created man.God said, "Eat, sleep, play, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy.I'll give you twenty years."Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way, man. Tell you what, I'll takemy twenty, and the forty cow gave back, and the ten dog gave back and theten monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?""Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."
Management Lesson:So that is y for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, enjoy, anddo nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support ourfamily; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain ourgrandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit in front of the house andbark at everybody.

Management Lessons- Part 1

CASE 1:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like youand do nothing all day long?The crow answered: "Sure, why not." so, the rabbit sat on the groundbelow the crow, and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Learning:To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

CASE 2:
A turkey was chatting with a bull."I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed theturkey,"but I haven't got the energy."Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull."They're packed with nutrients."The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave himenough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top ofthe tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey outof the tree.
Management Learning:Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

CASE 3:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the birdfroze and fell to the ground in a large field.While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realizehow warm it was.The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy,and soon began to sing for joy.A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cowdung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Learning:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

Thursday, December 01, 2005

What Love is????

Read this frnds, u'll njoy it


What does LOVE mean?

Touching words from the mouth of babes. What does Love mean? A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.
" Rebecca- age 8 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth
." Billy - age 4 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
" Karl - age 5 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.
" Chrissy - age 6 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.
" Terri - age 4 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
"Danny - age 7 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
"Emily - age 8 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
"Bobby - age 7 (Wow!) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend wh! o you hate,"
Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet) --------------------------------------------------"
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.
" Noelle - age 7 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
"Tommy - age 6 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked around at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
" Cindy - age 8 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.
" Clare - age 6 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
" Elaine-age 5 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
" Chris - age 7 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
"Mary Ann - age 4 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
" Lauren - age 4 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
" (what an image) Karen! - age 7 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
"Mark - age 6 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
"Jessica - age 8 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"
" And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry"